Page 23 - Spring 2018
P. 23

 YOU DO, BUT I DON’T
(I Called Off My Wedding with No Regrets)
Narrated By: Cecile Anthony-Bryan
I sat for two whole days and in that time tried to figure my entire life out. Just to be clear, this will probably take a lifetime to heal, but I only gave it two days and then I formulated a plan to regain me.
To know that we are less than two months away from what should have been one of the happiest days of my life, with majority of the wedding planned and minimal details left to handle, I felt like my train just derailed. In a snap of a finger or should I say, the opening of a message on FB messenger, my whole life flashed in front of me. When I read what was sent to me, I could not move. I suddenly went numb. Knowing just hours before I was out celebrating my girls, family and friends at my bridal shower and now I am re-packing gifts and telling the man I love and had planned to spend the rest of my life with - I HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT.
There is no amount of “I’m Sorry”, that I can use to put a bandage on a wound that cut me so deep. There is no amount of “I Love You” to take away the numbness overtaking my soul. There is no amount of “Can We Talk” that can erase the disappoint or mend my broken heart. Nothing possible, can change this moment and time in my life.
Why did I call the wedding off? I called it off, because it is easier to be single and happy, then to marry someone who is so unhappy and unsatisfied that he has been cheating on me apparently for the last two years of our relationship. There has to be no other reason. The sad part is everything I did was for us. I worked a second job, I made sure to have home-cooked meals, I introduced him to a life that should make him better, not bitter and yet still with all these things that I overextended myself to do, it still was not enough.
Trust me, in no way shape or form am I writing this to empower women to leave men because of a gut feeling. I just knew that at my weakest moment in time, I found strength to walk away now and not try to figure out why I stayed later. I knew that if I did not break this pattern that he had created, that the pattern would continue, whether with her or with others. I knew that in the end I love him, but I love me more.
Sadly but true, he messed up possibly the best thing that would ever happen to him for someone who probably does not even want him. People need to look at their situation and the situations of others and if you have more to lose than them, think twice before you act or react. Temptation is all around us, but I can tell you there was never a doubt in my mind, through the good, bad and the ugly, I never questioned who or what I wanted.
If you are reading this and are thinking about calling off your wedding, I hope that you are able to make the right decision for yourself and for nobody else. If you are reading this and have already called off your wedding, you need to know that everything will be okay. It probably does not feel like it today, and it may not even feel like it tomorrow, or a week from now, or six months from now. I won’t sugarcoat it, you will hurt. You will be painfully lonely, although surrounded and supported by your loved ones. You might even feel humiliated.
And then - one day - you won’t. You will forgive, but you won’t forget. In fact, one day you will wake up and say “I HAVE NO REGRETS!” In that moment, you will feel pounds lighter and you will go from feeling like this is the end to.... it is just the beginning.
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